The Experience Crieff Guide to Burns Night: Poetry, puddings and proper drams

“Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face, Great chieftain o' the puddin-race!”

When Robert Burns wrote his famous tribute to the haggis, he wasn't just describing a dinner; he was writing a love letter to a "pudding" that most of the world finds, honestly, a bit confusing.

In Crieff, we take Burns Night seriously - but with a side of the usual Strathearn banter. Whether you’re a local who’s recited Tam o' Shanter so many times you do it in your sleep, or a visitor wondering why everyone is cheering at a bag of oats and offal, here is how to navigate the 25th.

1. The Guest of Honour

Let’s be honest: “Haggis is a masterpiece of culinary camouflage. It’s the only food in the world where the recipe starts with a dare.” Billy Connolly famously joked that a haggis looks like it’s been involved in a "high-speed motorway collision," and he isn't wrong. Another way to look at it? "A haggis is basically a sheep that’s had a very bad day and then been put in a sleeping bag."

But as any Crieff local will tell you, it’s what’s on the inside that counts. We have some of the finest traditional butchers in Scotland right here in Strathearn. If you’re buying one to cook at home, don't be intimidated by its "sonsie face." Just simmer it gently and remember: “Eating a haggis is the ultimate test of Scottish heritage. If you can eat it without asking what’s inside, you’re in. If you ask, you’re an English tourist.” (Sorry but we couldn't write a blog about Burns without a wee jab at our English neighbours, he'd turn in his grave!)

2. A Word for our Visitors: The "Wild Haggis"

If you’re visiting Strathearn for the first time, you might hear locals talking about the "Wild Haggis." To set the record straight:

"The Wild Haggis is a small, four-legged creature found in the Highlands. Its left legs are shorter than its right legs, allowing it to run around steep mountainsides at high speeds without falling off. They can only be caught by running around the hill in the opposite direction."

If you believe that, we'll buy the halfs when you get back with your haggis haul. In reality, the only "wild" thing about a haggis is the vegetarian debate. (We’ve heard the joke that a vegetarian haggis is just a sheep that only ate grass, but our local shops actually do a brilliant plant-based version that even the most hardened traditionalists enjoy.)

3. “Freedom and Whisky gang thegither!”

Burns was a firm believer that you couldn't have one without the other. If you’re raising a glass this weekend, it feels only right to make it a local one.

We are lucky enough to have The Glenturret Distillery right on our doorstep. As the oldest working distillery in Scotland, they’ve been perfecting the "water of life" since 1763 - meaning they’d already been mashing and distilling for over twenty years by the time Burns published his first book of poems.

Whether you're visiting the distillery for a tour or picking up a bottle from an independent shop on the High Street, it’s the definitive way to toast the Bard. Just remember the local rule: raising a toast with water is technically bad luck. If you aren't a whisky fan, a local Perthshire gin or craft ale is a perfectly respectable alternative.

4. The "Auld Lang Syne" Struggle

As the night draws to a close, there is the inevitable moment where everyone stands up, links arms, and attempts to sing Auld Lang Syne.

It’s a beautiful sentiment, but let’s be real: most of us know the first verse and the chorus, and then we just mumble our way through the rest while swinging our arms with increasing gusto. If you’re a visitor, don't worry - the locals are winging it just as much as you are! The key is to look like you know exactly what "gowans fine" means, even if you’ve never seen one in your life. (They're beautiful daisies by the way.)

The Final Toast

So, grab your fork, ignore the "motorway collision" on your plate, and raise a glass to the Bard. Whether you’re a local or just visiting, may your haggis be sonsie, your dram be local, and your ‘Auld Lang Syne’ be mostly in tune.

In Crieff, we don't just celebrate history; we live in it, we toast it, and we occasionally try to catch it running around the hills the wrong way.

Slàinte mhath, Crieff!